Introduction
I remember the night it happened. That dreadful cold winter night. Before i go any further i would like to say that if you are reading this book to look for any symbols then put it back down.Now.
Everything in this book is true and unrealistically personal and anyone who is trying to find any motifs in it disrespecting the content in this book.I loathe , i repeat, i loathe people who overanalyze the smallest things.. People like that feel like everything in life needs or has a meaning and they can't enjoy anything and that i can't stand. Thy glorify the most non-idealistic things and i find it very hypocritical and vain.
All my life i've had to deal with these kind of people, hypocrites. Full of horse manure and lies, you'd think that by now i'd be used to them at least a little bit but i still loathe them with a burning passion.
Now i tell you about horrific night at Queen's Bay.It still hurts though , on the inside, whenever i think about it.I probably don't sound like the most emotional person (because I'm not) but things like what happened that night would leave a scar on anyone , a wound that won't heal.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Ma Andrea was sick again. It was the fifth time that winter, she had already gone to the hospital twice that summer. She said she had a grip. I still don't know what she meant or what a grip was. I always say i'll look it up on Wikipedia or something but i always either forget or procrastinate. The problem is that Ma Andrea is always saying stuff to make herself sound smart and I've heard so much of it that i get both mixed up and then it doesn't interest me much.
Whenever Ma Andrea would cough or sneeze she would yell "Darn Grip!" as if she was talking to someone. I love and miss that about Ma Andrea. She talked to everyone in the same way, in her eyes everyone was equal an she had the same voice when she spoke to everyone. It also made it impossible to tell when she was angry because she was so monotone.Ma Andrea didn't like when people said "God bless you" whenever she sneezed. She was the most pious person i knew and all the other "pious" people i knew where all hype and they didn't even try to hide it. That drove me insane.
Believe it or not, Ma Andrea's piousness is what caused her disdain for the phrase. She found it very sacrilegious especially when non believers said it. She absolutely hated hypocrisy.
So on this cold night she decided to take a drive. She always did that, ever since i was five, she always made an excuse to drive and she always came back looking very happy and energetic. I thought it was very weird.
When she was gone i was left home with dad. John and Jess went to a concert with Jennifer.I hated being left alone with dad. He felt like he and i didn't have enough 'bonding" time so he tried to create artificial memories with me.As soon as i heard Ma Andrea out the door i ran out the door. I ran to my room and locked myself in before he realized we were alone.. I ran to my room and locked the door.
I turned on my computer and while it was logging me in, i laid my head on my bed and fell asleep.I guess i was tired from staying up all night working on my research paper for Mr. Scott, my English teacher.I also had a two hour fencing practice session, so i guess it made sense that i waiting for a computer to load got me tired enough to fall asleep.
Although falling asleep because you're tired doesn't seem like a terrible thing to do...it was. Falling asleep on that bed was a huge mistake.
One thing you should know about me and that is if i was in the sinking titanic, with everyone screaming and the ship rocking and sinking, i would sleep right through it.I am a very very deep sleeper.
I slept right through it. The most tragic event of my life. Most people might be gad they missed it or they were saved but not me. I could have helped them, been their hero for once.I missed their last breath. Even more horrible is that i was sleeping when it happened. I was enjoying myself, i don't remember what i was dreaming about. I was relaxing and they were dying. I missed it and now i'm paying.
*****
Death.
I woke up to mass deaths.The shock of seeing my entire family dead is a scene in my life i want to erase from the film in my memory, but i can't.
The scene pops up at the most random times in my life.When I'm taking a geometry test orwhen i'm making out with my girlfriend.
I remember there was a time i convinced myself that they were not really dead. Those were my psychoanalyst days.I couldn't deal with the unnecessary guilt so i told myself they were still alive and they were just trying to scare me.I told them that Jennifer had done all the blood make up and she had gotten it from her work place.Ma Andrea had assigned the positions where they would lie and teach everyone how to act dead but the twins would sass her and she would yell at dad to do something to them but he wouldn't.The whole would probably be Jess' idea,he was the one who came up with all the sick ideas. All this i forced myself to believe but none of it was true.
Whoever killed them positioned their bodies in different positions in the living room. I believe that was some type of creepy signature of the killer, i tried to point it out to the detectives but no one ever listens to the mixed albino kid.What was even creepier was that the bodies were placed where the owner spent the most time.Dad's body was placed by the computer table,Ma Andrea's body lay next to the kitchen , the twin's body lay on the coach in front of the T.V. and Jenifer's body lay in front of the door.
This always made me think that whoever killed them knew our family intimately . But what always scared and puzzled me was why my life was spared.
The person had waited for Ma Andrea to return from her drive and for Jenifer and the twins to return from their concert. Why didn't they just wait for me to return? Whoever killed them didn't even attempt to look for me. He or she spared my life , but why? My family is gone. Killed in a bunch , my life ripped apart, never to be reassembled back together. After that i tried to live life with appreciation and gratitude and see every chance as a gift. A second chance , an opportunity to live again, but that didn't last long. What did last forever was anger and mourning. Forever i would mourn my dear family.
I turned on my computer and while it was logging me in, i laid my head on my bed and fell asleep.I guess i was tired from staying up all night working on my research paper for Mr. Scott, my English teacher.I also had a two hour fencing practice session, so i guess it made sense that i waiting for a computer to load got me tired enough to fall asleep.
Although falling asleep because you're tired doesn't seem like a terrible thing to do...it was. Falling asleep on that bed was a huge mistake.
One thing you should know about me and that is if i was in the sinking titanic, with everyone screaming and the ship rocking and sinking, i would sleep right through it.I am a very very deep sleeper.
I slept right through it. The most tragic event of my life. Most people might be gad they missed it or they were saved but not me. I could have helped them, been their hero for once.I missed their last breath. Even more horrible is that i was sleeping when it happened. I was enjoying myself, i don't remember what i was dreaming about. I was relaxing and they were dying. I missed it and now i'm paying.
*****
Death.
I woke up to mass deaths.The shock of seeing my entire family dead is a scene in my life i want to erase from the film in my memory, but i can't.
The scene pops up at the most random times in my life.When I'm taking a geometry test orwhen i'm making out with my girlfriend.
I remember there was a time i convinced myself that they were not really dead. Those were my psychoanalyst days.I couldn't deal with the unnecessary guilt so i told myself they were still alive and they were just trying to scare me.I told them that Jennifer had done all the blood make up and she had gotten it from her work place.Ma Andrea had assigned the positions where they would lie and teach everyone how to act dead but the twins would sass her and she would yell at dad to do something to them but he wouldn't.The whole would probably be Jess' idea,he was the one who came up with all the sick ideas. All this i forced myself to believe but none of it was true.
Whoever killed them positioned their bodies in different positions in the living room. I believe that was some type of creepy signature of the killer, i tried to point it out to the detectives but no one ever listens to the mixed albino kid.What was even creepier was that the bodies were placed where the owner spent the most time.Dad's body was placed by the computer table,Ma Andrea's body lay next to the kitchen , the twin's body lay on the coach in front of the T.V. and Jenifer's body lay in front of the door.
This always made me think that whoever killed them knew our family intimately . But what always scared and puzzled me was why my life was spared.
The person had waited for Ma Andrea to return from her drive and for Jenifer and the twins to return from their concert. Why didn't they just wait for me to return? Whoever killed them didn't even attempt to look for me. He or she spared my life , but why? My family is gone. Killed in a bunch , my life ripped apart, never to be reassembled back together. After that i tried to live life with appreciation and gratitude and see every chance as a gift. A second chance , an opportunity to live again, but that didn't last long. What did last forever was anger and mourning. Forever i would mourn my dear family.
** **
Before i officially begin this story i would like to reinstate what i said in the beginning. The recordings in this book are very personal and looking for or finding a motif in it is highly disrespectful. Ma Andrea would always say everything has a reason and this story is about the reason .This is not my autobiography, its not about me in any way, its about the reason.It is me trying to make sense, find a reason of what happened to me, why was a spared and finding an answer? That is all this is about.
Any of you goddamn phonies that are still reading for a reason should return this book at about now.Your disrespect has done enough.
Your disrespect , your being has altered the dynamics of my life in unholy ways.If i had known how hard writing a book is or the kind of bullshitters that get to read it , i would never have set out to do it. But the damage has been done and it is up to you to make it better or make it worse.
Yours Truly,
Leon Scott
No comments:
Post a Comment